Well I have to say that in the past I would take the self-centered approach, especially when dealing with my mom or her ex-husband. I did not and still do not have a relationship with him and I think that was a big part of why I used that type of orientation when dealing with a conflict.
Recently though, after taking the mediation course and being an intern in the ADR department, I have changed the type of orientation I prefer. I know favor a relationship-centered orientation. I want to work things out and deal with conflict in an appropriate way, especially if the relationship really means something to me.
When I was focused on self-centered orientation I was only satisfied if I “won” in the argument. Now when using the relationship-centered approach I feel that everyone is satisfied, at least that is how it seems. It is great to be able to work through conflict in a positive light.
I try to favor the relationship-centered orientation most of the time, but there are situations with certain people in my life where I tend to favor the self-centered approach, but I have tried to use that less often. I feel that it works to use the relationship-centered orientation and I think that it makes the situation much better, really focusing on getting past the conflict.
Hi Ashley,
ReplyDeleteNice job on posting. As I was reading your post I was thinking about the fact that we change as we grow and develop. I hadn't spent a whole lot of time thinking about that in regards to our communication conflict styles. In your post you mentioned that you use to be more self-centered in your conflict style focused on the 'me' aspect, but as you took some classes and changed your situation a bit you found yourself trying to be relationship-centered. I think to an extent we all undergo a similar progression like that as we have all seen the outcome of a conflict change due to the way we handle it. Hmm. That's just interesting to think about.
Thanks for sharing, **Kenzie Marie