I enjoyed the idea of how to respond to another’s anger. I agree completely with how the text says to respond, calmly. Responding in a calm matter is important, because you are not feeding to their anger. The book also talks about how to respond by getting them to calm down before expressing your own anger. Acknowledge how the person is feeling and let them know that you understand they are angry, but take a time out and let them breath and calm down.
When I do mediations, the number one thing we have to remember is that when a person becomes angry I always make sure to reframe and let them know that I am aware they are angry. I always remain calm, which seems to catch them off guard. I think a lot of people who get angry expect the other person to become angry as well. It is not my job to become angry or let the issue affect me.
I had a mediation recently where both parties would try and speak over each other and become angry when talking about the issue. I remained calm and I took control of the situation. I had a student observer and later when we debriefed the case she told me that she was amazed how I remained so calm. I explained to her that if you become angry, you are only fueling the fire and making them angrier.
It is very interesting to read your perspective as a mediator. I’m sure that being able to apply the techniques suggested for responding to anger would be ver useful skills in that line of work. Was the same information covered in your training as a mediator ? I agree with your assessment that responding to anger with more anger only fuels the fire.
ReplyDeleteRecently, I attended my first mediation and found it very interesting after having just studied the techniques involved in our class. I found that the mediator in my case appeared to expect the participants to become angry, and while I’m glad no one did, it would have also been interesting to study how he would have handled it.
We couldn’t get over how surprising our cooperation seemed to be to everyone. The social workers and moderators all commented on it as we were leaving. Is it really so uncommon? In our case, it was about meeting with the our foster child’s distant family who had just been located and wanted to take her in. Not only do we understand the bond that blood family would have to offer her throughout her life, the law gives them rights to her that we don’t have. I don’t see how or why foster parents would be uncooperative in that situation.
Hi Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the idea on how to respond to others anger that you talked about. It is a good thing to know, so that people know how to deal with angry people. Responding to them in a calm way, seems to be a no-brainer. You wouldn’t want to express your anger as well to someone that’s already angry. You mentioned that you should acknowledge the persons feeling, but you should take a time out and let them breath and calm down. I think that letting the angry person calm down and breath is one of the best things. You wouldn’t want to rush them into talking cause that might lead them to become even more angry.